He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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