Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
