so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize