Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
