Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
