Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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