I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
