am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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