Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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