you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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