I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I cannot find my penis.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
