Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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