There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
