I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
