turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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