Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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