that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
