Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
