At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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