gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
