So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
