I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
