You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
