So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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