I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
