Buhtt sex?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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