The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
