Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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