this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize
