If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
