HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
