I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
