It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize