I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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