I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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