I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this beer tastes like vomit already
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
