her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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