god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There are leaves in my underwear?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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