Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
