I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
