remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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