Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
