Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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