I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
