You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
