I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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