I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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