so explain again why im purple
no
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
