My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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