i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize