I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
