About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
