It was confusing and full of hummus
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
