just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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