TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
