I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
