so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
