i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
