I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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