All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
