Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
