I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
