I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
