why didn't you poke me back
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize