I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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