I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
