i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
