The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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