I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
