Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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