thus making me awesome and them whores
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
